What is Under ...
Dear Friends,
When I was younger and would get angry, I would often hide my feelings, then I would act passive aggressively to anyone who I thought hurt me. If you asked me at the time if I was angry, I would say, “No way, all is good.”
But if you watched my actions, they revealed something else. The pattern of silent resentment when I was hurt we might say was “under my awareness.” I could not see it at the time.
It is similar to a deep ocean where we can only see what is on the surface, but much lurks below.
If a pattern is under awareness, it still motivates us, but we do not have access to it. It is like having an invisible co-pilot in our car, who occasionally turns the car in a particular direction. We do not know how we changed lanes or how we ended up in Florida instead of Dallas.
Or how we yelled at our partner or friend. The part was dormant, until it got triggered, and all of sudden we are acting from that pain.
Meditation, or any inner practice, is one way to invite more experiences into awareness, which is so essential but not always easy. I was listening to a podcast recently, and the person said essentially, “I cannot meditate. I cannot be with my mind. I do not want to see what is inside.” And he is not alone.
But underneath the surface is often not just our grief, anger, and sadness, but also our love and joy. I am not exactly sure how it works, but it seems in the rules of life, we cannot just choose joy without a willingness to feel the hurt as well. We need to look with open eyes at it all.
Awareness, however, is a powerful co-pilot, and we generally do this one small step at a time. We see a little more, then a little more, and as our willingness grows, so does our capacity.
We will announce our schedule for the rest of the year soon. We are happy to offer The Practice of Purpose Day Long in August.
Blessings,