The Roles We Play
How do we become aware of the roles that direct our lives?
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” — Carl Jung
Dear Friends,
I was recently about to jump on a podcast about my book when I noticed a slight change in my voice—just a subtle shift, but enough to catch my attention.
A different part of me was showing up. I was switching into 'wise interviewee' mode, and I realized: “I am starting to play a role. I am changing myself sightly,”
It made me pause and wonder:
How do I shift who I am depending on who I’m speaking with—a waitress, a CEO, a coworker, a podcast host or even a loved one?
Do I become more polished, more pleasing, more authoritative in certain situations—while in others, I become quieter, smaller, more accommodating?
“The roles we play can be useful, but problems arise when we mistake the role for the self.”
— Tara Brach
Noticing When We Are in a Role
Sometimes these roles we play are conscious. Often, they’re not.
So how do we know when we’re caught in a role?
For me, there’s usually a signal:
A change in the tone of my voice
A shift in my posture
A strong attitude or opinion about a topic. I am sure I am right.
In these times, we lose access to our natural spaciousness of Being.
Awareness
When we notice ourselves shifting who we are, caught in a role, instead of responding to ourselves with judgment, we can meet ourselves with curiosity:
“Ah, it looks like a role is emerging. Let me see if I can notice how this pattern plays out.”
In that inquiring, presence becomes more accessible. We are watching the state versus acting out the state … and that is a world of difference.
If awareness is present, growth is happening.
Most roles have an agenda. They’re trying to get something or avoid something—approval, safety, control, validation. Just BEING is not enough.
Even thinking “I am a spiritual person” or “I am a conscious person” can just be a role. We act how we think a spiritual person should act. And we judge others who we think are “less spiritual.” It is a thought we believe, not a lived experience.
But we always have the choice to pause, breathe, and return to the present moment.
And maybe, just maybe, from that place, we can meet others—and ourselves—with more authenticity and care.
So today, may we see, enjoy, and make conscious the roles we play … and know that any moment of awareness, of noticing what is happening, is a miracle.
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Blessings,
SOREN
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