The Problem with Trying
“Do or do not, there is no try.” — Yoda
Dear Friends,
Recently, I have been noticing the different qualities conversations can have.
Some people move away as they meet us, others come toward, often with some agenda.
Every conversation has an energy to it!
Instead of having a spacious, open-ended conversation, at times there can be a type of “trying,” a background motivation that impacts the conversation.
The Agenda
There is an agenda one person has — a desire for approval, praise, an outcome – or to be liked.
This agenda can change depending on the person — with a fellow parent at a school event we could seek acceptance as a respectable family; with a business connection we could be trying to get a new customer.
When “trying” is strong, there is a pressure, an effort to “get something” from another person.
Perhaps what makes a day so exhausting is not the work … or the conversations … or the zooms … it’s all the trying we do!
Right Effort
Effort is important, but “trying” seeks something outside of ourselves, some completion, an attempt to control.
As a result, there is little room for attunement or genuine connection.
Of course, sometimes we need to conduct business, but in all my business dealings it is best to have conversations with curiosity, not by trying.
If there is too much trying, people leave thinking, “I do not know what it was, but there was something off about that conversation.”
Non-Trying
Instead, what if we simply get curious about what emerges in the field of awareness inside of us and with another person?
What if we non-try?
The next time you feel tension in a conversation, maybe inquire:
“How would I engage if I did not need anything from this person? What if I allowed myself to become curious?”
Wishing you a day of deep connection and non-trying!
SOREN
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Soren. Every word and sentence discussed here makes sense to me and I adopt the same beliefs. Thankyou for expressing this observation and insight so clearly, and for quoting Yoda:-0
Beautiful Soren. I lived and appreciated the distinction of curiosity vs trying. Curiousity focuses us on the other person vs our agenda. 🙏