Dear Friends,
Years ago, when I was teaching in juvenile halls, I introduced a sound exercise with a meditation bell. The bell had a small wooden stick to gently invite a sound. I passed the bell around the circle for the kids to ring, and as it made its way, one of the kids grabbed the stick and struck the bell very hard. Instead of the expected chime, I heard a dull thud—the bell had cracked.
I was visibly saddened, and the kids noticed right away. They quickly began to tease me. “Oh, you sad, Mr. G.? You need your mommy? Oh, you poor baby. Look, his bell broke, and he’s sad.”
They weren’t necessarily mean kids, but it wasn’t just the bell that had been broken. I had violated one of the unspoken rules of juvenile hall: never show sadness or weakness.
They couldn’t allow me to be sad because they couldn’t allow themselves to be sad.
The prevailing narrative in the facility was, “Be tough, no matter what.” I had broken that code, and they felt compelled to defend it.
Every person and family has their own codes or stories. We might have grown up in a family with the narrative, “We are smart,” “We are tough,” “We are grateful,” or “We are successful.” These narratives often lead us to judge ourselves and others based on these standards. Even if they aren’t spoken, we know them well.
The stories from our families or cultures are like backpacks given to us, filled with inherited beliefs. Sometimes it helps to open that backpack and ask, “What stories and codes am I carrying, and are they true for me?” Whether the story is that we are a winner or a loser, it is still just a story.
No matter if we are in a juvenile hall or a tech firm, there is often a story shaping our lives. The real question is, “Are we aware of the stories that drive us?”
So today, as we move through our lives, may we be curious about the narratives that might be guiding us, especially when a bell breaks or something else triggers us. There may be deeper lessons available. It might be time to look more deeply inside the backpack we are carrying.
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Blessings,
Bravo. Your stories sound like mine from 20 plus years in residential tx for kids and adolescents.