Beyond Advice
Power of Presence
Jamal was frustrating me.
He came every week to the voluntary class I held at the Juvenile Hall in Brooklyn. This was many years ago when my job through the Lineage Project was to work with kids in detention centers.
Each week I led a meditation, guided the kids in simple yoga, then held a circle in which we shared our experiences.
Though Jamal showed up every week, he just went through the motions of the class. During the meditation, he would look around the room and in the yoga he would barely try.
However, at the end of the class, he always came up, thanked me, and gave me a hug. Not a mushy California hug, but a quick, light NYC hug.
Still, it was a hug.
Over time, I grew frustrated with Jamal. “Why do you come to my class and barely try? What is your problem?” I thought.
Then it hit me: he did not come for the meditation or the yoga, his sole reason for coming to the class was for a hug.
He did not have the problem, I did. Who cares if a kid comes to a class for a hug?
At the time, I thought my knowledge mattered most, not my ability to be present and available, and to give and receive care and love.
BEYOND ADVICE
When a friend reaches out, often we think it is our great advice that will most help, yet generally it is something far more powerful: our presence and care.
I like giving advice as much as the next person, but whenever I find myself wanting to give advice to a person who didn’t ask me for it, I think of Jamal.
Maybe there is something far more important than just our words.
Words are easy. The internet has lots of words. Presence is something else.
May your day today be filled with presence and connection, and what really matters.
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Blessings,
SOREN
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